drew carpenter

The other day I was joking with my kids because they were messing with each other. They do that alot. Sometimes it’s light-hearted and sometimes it can get down right nasty between them. I said “hey Jacob and Esau, settle down”. My son’s reaction was “I get to be Jacob”. We all had a good laugh. If you need a little background on Jacob and Esau, they were two very different brothers in the book of Genesis who both wanted their father’s blessing. One was favored by mom and the other was favored by dad. That story starts in Genesis 25.

It is amazing how wildly different two kids from the same parents can be. I tell people my kids got all their good qualities from their mom and all the bad from me. Not entirely true, but that is how it feels sometimes. They have unique qualities that are endearing, frustrating, exceptional, aggravating, and beautiful. The thing that they share, along with the rest of humanity, is the propensity to sin. What bothers me about this is that although they both fail and make mistakes, one kid’s sin is magnified simply by personality and lack of a filter, while the other one “get’s away” with stuff due to a more subdued persona and a little better filter. That has to be hard on the other kid.

We try to be fair, we make sure to reign in the negativity and we also call them like we see them in the house, but it is difficult to not favor one over the other at times. Believe me there are days when I wish one or both of them could go stay with their relatives for a few years. (That’s what Jacob did) I always come back around to how I think God must feel about all of his kids. We do stupid and selfish stuff. In subtle and not so subtle ways we try to make ourselves look better than the other kids.  We try to cover over our sins but, in the end, we are just as messed up as the rest of our brothers and sisters. I am grateful for a Parent that can look passed all that and into my heart, one who corrects, who is firm and one who blesses each of his kids, whether the child recognizes it or not. I want to be more like that parent.

By the way, both Jacob and Esau continued to struggle throughout their lives, but they came to love and forgive each other for the harm that they had done to each other. I am holding out hope that my kids will never let it get as far out of hand as those two did. Seems like they will probably be okay.

I beat myself up pretty often. I get off track, get frustrated with myself, get angry with others. It’s because I lose sight of the one thing. Jesus loves me, not me and all the things I might or might not get done. At the end of the day, maybe the middle and the start as well, I need to ask myself, “have I loved?”

This morning I read this:

I can see it now-at the Final Judgment thousands strutting up to me and saying, ‘Master, we preached the Message, we bashed the demons, our God-sponsored projects had everyone talking.’ And do you know what I am going to say? ‘You missed the boat. All you did was use me to make yourselves important. You don’t impress me one bit. You’re out of here.’ (Matthew 7:22, 23 MSG)

And I read this:
Wash and make yourselves clean.
Take your evil deeds out of my sight;
stop doing wrong. Learn to do right; seek justice.
Defend the oppressed.
Take up the cause of the fatherless;
plead the case of the widow. (Isaiah 1:16, 17 NIV)

I don’t know how to wrap this up, other than saying to whomever might read this,  “accept God’s unconditional love and then give it away the best you can.”

I gave up complaining for Lent. That has not worked out so well, but I have been a lot more conscientious about what I say and how I say it over the last few weeks. Technically, I broke the vow, several times. I confess. There are other ways to prepare our hearts and minds for the coming of Easter and making a vow is only one of them.

Many folks in my church took a pro-active approach to Lent, by doing certain things each day to prepare. It has been a delightful, thoughtful and moving experience for many of them. It has also shown us our weaknesses and our vulnerabilities as followers of Christ.

Over the last few days I have been reading about the lead up to the crucifixion according to Mark’s Gospel. It was a busy week for Jesus and his friends. We have the perspective of knowing that Friday was the big day, but the disciples didn’t know for sure what was going to happen and when it would. They knew something close. Jesus may have known exactly how things were going to play out, but I don’t know that we can be all that certain that he did. They seemed to be preparing for it, but most of them were caught of guard by how things went and then they panicked and fled. When the going get’s tough, the tough leave town?

I want to be prepared to remember this pivotal time in history, appreciate the enduring sacrifice that Christ made for us and celebrate the opportunity for new life in Him, but is that really something I can completely plan for? Am I going to come to church on Friday night and be totally prepared to embrace all of this? Probably not. Like the disciples, I am going to miss a few key words, hints and clues. I will likely “zone out” when I should be focused and attentive in the moment.

It occurs to me that I should not look for the moment and try to create some experience or memory that will endure. That is quite a bit of pressure and possibly a little bit selfish. Besides, that was not the point of any of our practices for Lent.  I am not off the hook for getting my heart ready, but I can plan so much and do so many things that I miss the point by making the tasks and vows the important thing.

Instead, I am going to try to remember that the goal is to each day honor the life, death and redemption which is offered through our Lord.

I wish there were a few more moments like the one in the picture and a lot fewer ugly words and shouting matches. Yep, my son and I yell at each other every now and then. It happens more often than we would both like, I am sure. For me, the aftermath of the fighting is harder to get over than the bliss of the fun moments. Why is that?

He is a lot like his dad. We are stubborn, we don’t like unsolicited advice, and we both like to be right.

I know I have mentioned before that I just want what is best for him, I want him to be a good citizen and I want him to learn to treat everyone with dignity and respect. That is hard to do at 6:45 AM some days. When he acts out of line, I try to give him some consequences that will level the appropriate amount of remorse. (I don’t really know if that works.) The discipline may just make me feel like I have the upper hand, instead of him actually learning to be kind to the rest of us. In his eyes, his foul temper is the fault of someone else.

We like to blame people for our actions, upbringing, and circumstances. Ultimately, how we behave rests on us. I find myself telling his sister and him constantly that we can’t change people, we can only change ourselves. That is a good place to start.

I made sure to tell him I loved him before he headed off for school but he was still fuming.  By the time I saw him later in the day all was well again. I loved seeing that big grin and the generally happy disposition. I have to say the guy bounces back pretty well and doesn’t hold too many grudges, so maybe we are doing a few things right. My guess is that our actions (hugs, smiles, and laughter) balance out pretty heavily against those heated moments. I have to take away something from them other than the pit in my gut. Maybe those high volume exchanges somehow draw us closer and show us how alike we really are. Nevertheless, I am still going to work on cooler methods of dealing with the angst.